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When I think I’m finally okay
You come back
Reminding me of what mattered so much to me back then
Reminding me of what I tried so hard to let go of
Reminding me of what I spent nights crying about

Memories

Now my heart aches again
Can’t we be friends again

要真么退后呢

"From the ends of the earth to the depths of my heart let Your mercy and strength be seen"

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. [Hebrews 12]

I won’t be held down, and I won’t be looking back again.

"Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace"

I will run to You - Hillsong

The thing that every last one of us has to realize is that the only true love that can exist is the one that lives without expectation. One that flows freely in both directions. One that doesn’t get angered by petty things because it doesn’t expect petty things. One that exists even when they are gone, even when they are no longer “officially” something to youThe kind that exists just because you like the person, and can maintain that past your deep, insane need to be with them.

The people you really love are the ones you never detach from — because you were never attached in the first place. They are the ones to whom you are forever in love, but only just that — in love, with no expectations. It’s only from that place — not of necessity, not of on-your-knees pleading desperation — but of complete okayness whether they are there or not, that you can love them wholly and completely.

You can never really know what love is while you’re still attached to ideas about it, and another person, and what all of that needs to be. Because the things that cause us the most suffering are the ones that we get unhealthfully attached to, as though they are ours forever, when we have no control over them at all.

— Brianna Wiest

Sunday at Rubikon

Monday dinner + dessert with interns and supervisors

If you like looking at pictures, try finding me on my VSCO grid :)

It’s all chill~

Yes I still have some problems and things to work out. But I love this silent contentment - this indescribable, simple joy in drinking a cup of tea/ hot chocolate in a hoodie, listening to Ed Sheeran playing on my laptop. A dream last night that it snowed - I woke up feeling so happy. A word from God once I woke - I started the day with promises and encouragement from the Love of my life.

Since the start of this year - shopping, brands, and all these things just started getting boring. I’ve never been one to chase branded goods (defined here as a constant desire/ obsession with getting something branded. I don’t know if it’s just me but it feels pretty lame to be buying something just for the brand when you can get something for the same quality and it looks the same but much cheaper elsewhere, and showing off after buying some branded good on social media just feels so vain. I mean, unless you’re posting about it cos you wanna make your $ worth something then ok I can understand the ouch since you spent a lot on it LOL), but shopping was something I enjoyed - that I can understand. Nowadays shopping feels too self-centred and if we’re not careful, it begins to become a trap. I can’t say this like a universal statement, but in the majority I’ve observed/ in my own experience too much shopping for oneself really does begin to grow a self-obsessed kind of focus and fuels the spirit of materialism. It becomes a distraction, when our love and our joy and our passion should be on Christ. 

I genuinely like this change, because there’s a new freedom from the pursuit of material things that will never truly be “enough”. Now shopping is a means for me to connect with someone who likes to shop - otherwise - I tend to drift towards shopping for stuff for the home/ kitchen, stationery (feels more practical haha), random pressies for others, books, cooking stuff (did I mention that already) and facial products. Maybe it’s just me growing up!! Rad changes since I turned 21 haha

지창욱 - 나비에게

Today morning I woke up with really really swollen eyes hahahaha it was quite funny when I looked in the mirror for the first time (WHO dat?!)

That aside, I’m feelin’ tired physically (since I ended up sleeping at 3 crying my eyes out) but filled up spiritually. Yeah, I cried, a lot. But not just because I was troubled or sad, but also because God’s amazing BIG and unfailing love was holding on to me and speaking to my heart yesterday night. It’s hard to explain, I just lay in bed wanting to sleep but I ended up thinking of everything and then I started thinking “BUT GOD…” (He never fails. He never leaves me. He never lets me down. He never etc) and then suddenly next to all the failings of mankind (including my own) His goodness and faithfulness suddenly became so clear, so big. I cried thinking of a God who never ever gave up on me, a God who never ever failed me, a God who loves me so much He lets me go through different painful/ difficult situations even though it hurts HIM so much too to see me go through them, because He knows its for my good. And there it was - a deeper revelation of His love that I needed once again.

Today morning I woke up with eyes so swollen they put goldfishes to shame. But today morning I woke up with a heart so full of hope and renewed strength to continue trusting in the One who loved me more than life and called me His own.

I know what’s happening all around me - even the storms in my heart - but from now on I don’t see anything, I won’t hear anything. I’ll trust You and follow the leading of Your spirit with my eyes shut and ears closed to the natural things. I give up trying I give up caring

Last combined service at the edge! :)

Given the state that it already is in…

What is there left to salvage
Could we save that then

I wish you could give me answers
I never understood what happened
Not since it happened
Not since then

If all that’s left is anger and hatred
Don’t go on and break whatever is left in my heart
Don’t ask me to stop if that’s how I’m coping with what happened
Did you even know how it left me feeling confused angry sad and broken at the same time
Countless times wondering what I must have done wrong what I could have done differently what I could have done better

If you can give me answers
Can you please give me answers

"7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
8 Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours.
9 All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name.
10 For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.
11 Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
12 I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever.
13 For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.
"

- Psalm 86
Amen

Amen

Just a few pics from the three days I was at camp!

Genuinely just really thankful I got to even go for 3 days (even if it means not being able to take any more leave for the rest of my intern and having to work OT and on 2 Saturdays to make up for time off) - currently feeling a bit drained physically right now haha.

On the way up I was telling God of the 2 main expectations/ desires for this camp, and right from PSP for session #1 His presence has been coming down on me like a torrential downpour… The word was so so so apt and even right at my seat I was crying from the grace of God in that place. Every single session I was just so humbled and moved by the presence of God, so rich, so close, so merciful, so loving.

So yes now I emerge from camp (quote my Instagram) - so filled, so amazed, so loved, so assured, so encouraged, so healed (haha) & so thankful for His grace!!!! I’m never alone & I’m never looking back to the past. Today is a new day with Jesus, He’s holding on to me ☺️ I am so recharged spiritually and ready to face my troubles of each day with a new courage and strength from Jesus.

(Quote my insta again) Thankful that I not only was ministered to (also so thankful for my roomies who agreed to share & pray tgt after day 1, which I think I cried 90% away LOL), but also got to minister to my net member who bunked w me (she shared her thoughts & doubts w me while we were lying in bed waiting to fall asleep!). These 3 days have really served to bring my net members and I even closer in rship too :)

Had fun helping out with the games, having meals and chatting with different ones, playing in the pool with everyone on Wed & really had a blessed time. It was also quite an adventure having to change rooms all the way to a different block so late at night in our pjs with all our barang - suddenly pack and go LOL cos our room was flooding and became a swimming pool HAHA. And just as I declared over my time at camp this year, God truly isn’t limited by how much or how little time we get to spend at camp. He’s MORE than able to meet all of my expectations and desires and even more than all that in a split second if He chose to. God is amazing, and so faithful. Had a great time serving with the band too! LOVE praising Jesus with you guys!!!

For everything, thank you JESUS!!! 😁😁😁

Right now I need physical strength to get through these few days (working this sat morn too) and healing cos I’m down with a flu!!